I'm Baaaa-cck!

Wow that was a long interlude... It is always so hard for me to start writing again after a break. I keep wanting to catch you up on everything that has happened but I get daunted by how much there would be to tell, and of course the more time that passes, the more daunting that becomes... So! To counter-act this, I thought I’d go ahead and just jump right in...

Good news! I’m doing a bit better.

I’m not stuck to the couch anymore, for instance.

While I do still spend a good bit of time there, I’m ever so proud to report that I am walking with Charlie everyday for 2-3 miles! Yes, I said MILES!

Happy at the park!

And I’m eating...  Sort of. My daily staples are veggies, fat, cheese and fruit. And occasionally I eat things like raw liver pills, yogurt, and homemade chocolate. (No one should know how easy it is to make your own GAPS-legal chocolate until you have been on GAPS for a good long while! ohmigoodnessitiscrazygood.) And I even had some coconut flour muffins. Made with egg! Say whaaaa?!

When last we saw each other I was barely eating (once again) because it made my belly do this:

Before & After a meal. Yep, thats a little over 2 inches!

I’ve been able to return to the land of the eating because Dr. Haskell suggested I take bile salts, enzymes and stomach acid when I eat food that has fat in it. These supplements have changed everything! Unfortunately, it isn’t a permanent fix, because it is simply replacing the bile salts and enzymes my body should be making on its own. But, I am grateful to have the symptoms alleviated enough that I can tolerate eating while I  continue to look for and work toward a completely healing solution.

 

Yesterday was May 19th. One year ago, the epic gallbladder problems started and I spent the whole day on the couch eating as little as possible because the bloating was so extreme and painful. One year later, I am essentially in the same place. It feels like I’ve been in a holding pattern. Circling in the sky, watching the world, a ghost in my own life.

 

This has been the most difficult year of my recovery.

 

Its strange to say that when there are many months in the first years of illness that I have no memory of because because I was so sick...  And yet, its true. This has been the most difficult year of my recovery.

 

And yet, and yet.... I am getting better.

 

The progress is so slight sometimes it is difficult to notice. And if you aren’t on the inside of my recovery with me day-to-day it would be impossible to see. But it is happening.

 

So as much as I feel like I have been standing still, treading water and struggling to keep from drowning, as I reflect on the year, I marvel at the incredible things we have learned. If not for this grizzly and grueling detour, we would not have learned about powerful and effective treatments used in other parts of the world like ozone therapy, micro-current, coffee enemas, parasite cleansing or biophoton therapy.

I repeatedly feel like Alice in a very disturbing wonderland as I walk the path of my rebel recovery. I have had to deprogram myself. And we had to be brave and take my recovery into our own hands in ways I never imagined.

 

At times, the end of this journey is so clear I can breathe in and out, and for a moment feel like I’m there already. Other times it is much more foggy.

 

For several weeks now, I’ve been fighting off the first situation-induced depression I’ve ever had. I find situation-induced depression to be much easier to deal with than the kind of depression that is caused by a severe nutritional deficiency, even though situational depression is much more insidious. And I must say, I’m darn proud of the way I’ve handled this situation-induced depression. I’ve felt my way through it and allowed myself to feel my feelings. But! I take a walk every day whether I want to or not. (If I’m not feeling well enough for a 2-3 miler, well then I just go around the block. But I take a walk.) I force myself to take liver pills and do other things I dislike to help to keep myself as nourished and detoxified as possible. I’m keeping my head up and reminding my spirit that I am okay and that this too shall pass. I’m allowing myself to do things that are comforting, while at the same time I am giving myself the structure and discipline that I need. I'm really proud of the way I've taken care of myself through this rough time and I've learned that I am much stronger than I knew.

 

We continue to look for treatments that will completely and healthfully heal my gallbladder (or liver, or bilary system, or whatever the mystery problem is). Dr. Cowan was alarmed at our last appointment when he realized that I've been running a fever for 10 months. He ordered a ton of bloodwork to see if anything would show. Once again, the Epstein-Barr test showed very high levels. Dr. Cowan said that Epsetin-Barr is known to effect on the liver and hypothesized that because of the effect of the Epstein-Barr infection on my liver, it may not be producing enough bile (which explains why I have had what I thought were gallbladder symptoms, aka, not enough bile). He has recommended that I take a course of a prescription anti-viral called Valtrex to help my body fight off the Epstein-Barr. I'm incredibly ambivilant about this. I do not like to take pharmacuticals except in life threatening situations. However, it has been an incredibly tough year...

What do you think? Anyone out there take Valtrex or have any experience or advice? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Calling In Sick (Or Epic Gallbladder Saga Part 4.5)

Oh boy, I'm sick. Again. Since these gallbladder problems started I have had bouts of feeling better and feeling worse... I am devistated to report that I am, once again, feeling worse.

I cleared things up for awhile in November and was eating (fairly) freely and (fairly) feeling good. But after about a month, the problems returned, and since December I have been having varying degreese of pain. But it is getting worse again - so bad that I'm having trouble thinking, and find myself stuck to the couch, not sleeping well and exhausted by how much pain I'm in. Since I've been sick for so long and have delt with pain for so long, sometimes I have a hard time identifying pain as pain because I spend so much time tuning it out. It has to get to a certain level before it even gets on my radar. Well, it has officially crept past my ability to ignore it, and has been persistantly bothering me for several months. I'm exhausted. I ache, the pain in my right side is spreading so that sometimes my left side hurts too. I've severly limited my diet again in an effort to relieve the pain, but I'm not being as restrictive as I was before and it is only sort-of helping.

Its bad. Very bad.

So, my posts may become inconsistant again. I'm sorry. I really am. When I began this blog I had a lot of anxiety about sharing this much of my life, but below that fear there was another one: Would I be able to maintain a blog? I'd tried and failed before. When I get sick, I don't post. And I got very, very sick immeaditly after I started the GAPS diet. I don't like potsing* about how I feel when I feel sick. Why talk abotu feeling crappy? I really, really prefer writing well written & researched posts about Important Stuff That Is Going On: eating for healing, effective treatment options, quality food vs. the industrial system, and other such things.

But I need to be able to think to so that I can wrap my head around all the research I've done, and organize it enough to be able to share it. And right now I'm so sick I can't do that. (Its why there hasn't been a part two to the GAPS Basics Series, for instance) And them's the breaks.

We are going to start using ozone therapy at home. Tonight maybe. We hope it will heal my gallbladder and liver issues as well as irradicate whatever infection, virus or bacteria is causing this marathon fever.

*This word should be "posting." Please ignore the excessive typos. Working through major cloudiness here.

Sick Kid

Most of my memories from ages 3-6 involve being stuck on this couch at family parties because I was too sick to play.

I was chatting with someone the other day when the conversation rolled around to my health as a kid. When I was 5 and 6, I was really sick. So sick I repeated second grade because I was absent so frequently. So sick I had my tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in my ears. So sick I had 98 shots in my little 5 year old arms in a single day when we were doing allergy testing. (And surprise, surprise... the allergy testing showed that I was basically allergic to everything.)

When the person I was chatting with asked me what I was sick with when I was a kid, I realized -- 

Pretty much the exact same thing I’m sick with now.

When I was 5 and 6 years old I had extremely low energy, chronic stomach aches, severely achy joints, difficulty thinking and focusing, headaches, and a nose that was so plugged up I couldn’t even pronounce my own name (it sounded like I was saying “A-B”). I pretty much felt unwell all the time. Although my health problems started at birth - I had colic as a baby and got my first ear infection at 11 months - I was taken aback when I realized how similar the symptoms I had at age 5 and 6 are compared to the symptoms I have now.

We were able to bring relief to the symptoms I suffered when I was 5 and 6 years old by seeing a chiropractor who diagnosed me with Candida (he was the first to diagnose this, although it has happened many times since) and he gave me some pills to take that miraculously cleared up all of my symptoms! The only symptom that remained was the stuffy nose. And that cleared up when we removed dairy from my diet shortly thereafter. I was no longer a severely sick kid. 

Unfortunately, the Candida pills and avoiding dairy didn’t heal the root of the problem and I continued to have health issues. I continued to see alternative health care providers as a form of bandaid - they kept the severe symptoms at bay which allowed me to function. But I never had an experience of vibrant, robust health.

Which brings me to why I remain so excited about and devoted to the GAPS program. I feel that, for the first time, I will be able to be completely healthy because the GAPS program will restore the ecology of my body and give it the tools it needs to heal. And once I’ve healed, I will be able to maintain my health because I now understand nutrition.  

Its easy to get discouraged about recovery because to a certain extent it is an unavoidably slow and lonely process. But I say -- chin up Rebels! 

It will be so worth it.

Setbacks....

It was a weekend of setbacks...

• I ran out of Formula MZ halfway through day two of the three day cycle... I called Dr. d'Angelo right away, but was told not to worry about it. They've already sent more Formula MZ for next month, but I'm still concerned. I was under the impression that taking it for three consecutive months was an important part of the process... We are seeing such remarkable results with this I really don't want to do anything to screw it up!
• I had been really, really looking forward to taking a class about worm composting at the Denver Urban Homesteading Market. I was seriously psyched about it! But it was oh-so-sadly canceled without notice. Yes, that means that I saved up and spent my limited energy to get myself to an event that didn't happen. But I still hope they reschedule,  really want to learn about this and get some hands on experience!
• Failed kitchen experiments. I've been working on making all of my personal care products as clean as possible. I can't believe I never questioned the ingredients of shampoo or lotion before getting sick! Most personal care products are highly toxic. It is shocking really. I'm currently working on making a lip gloss that is tinted with beets. But the first try ended in gigantic failuer of the messiest kind. 
• Devon had to leave abruptly for work and doesn't know yet how many weeks he will be away, which always sucks. And makes things extra lonely. 
• And to top things off, the pipes of the house got clogged by roots yet again... And the plumber couldn't come to clear them out till the end of the day! Arg! Not being able to flush the toilet all day doesn't work so well for me! I made it work though... I had a surprisingly fun day hanging out at a cute coffee shop in Golden where the barista behind the counter literally knew the names of all the patrons. But of course, being out of the house all day is hard on me and resulted in a super low energy the following day.

I'm divulging my woes because I think it is important to keep it real. I work hard to stay upbeat and keep things positive, but sometimes things just go awry. I get down on myself, loose energy and get an achy body, and catch a case of the grumps. And that is okay too. 

Recovery is a long road. A process. Not everyday will feel like things are going in the right direction and that's okay. Especially because when I step back and see the long view, I can see clearly that things are in fact, on track to healing and happiness.

Fasting...

I was planning to do the second part of the GAPS Basics Series today, but I’m not feeling up to it. I’m taking the Formula MZ right now AND I’m now in the middle of a fast. I’m fasting for approx 36 hours because of one of the responses in Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride’s FAQ. She said...

"Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) are the most difficult conditions to treat. The detoxification system in these people is in complete collapse. The toxins are not being handled by the disabled detoxification system, so they impair the function of mitochondria in the cells. Mitochondria are our energy factories in the body. As they are disabled the person suffers from severe fatigue, which is the main symptom of these three conditions. The detox system needs energy to function, so the person is trapped in a vicious cycle of not being able to produce energy or detoxify.

As the detoxification system is disabled, any amount of die-off is poorly tolerated, as die- off increases toxicity in the body, and there is nobody to handle it. That is why people with these problems have to go so slowly with increasing probiotics or fermented foods. Coconut oil has anti-microbial substances and also causes some die-off. Try to modify your GAPS diet according to your personal needs: move through the stages faster or add foods which you feel will be good for you earlier, while avoiding those that are difficult for you to handle at the moment. Please, read my article ONE MAN’S MEAT IS ANOTHER MAN’S POISON on in the “Resources” section and follow its recommendations. It may be helpful for you to take digestive enzymes with your meals: stomach acid at the beginning of the meal and pancreatic enzymes at the end.
Feed yourself very well with meats, fats and well-cooked vegetables for 5 days a week and then give yourself one day of rest from food – fast for 24-36 hours. For example, choose Friday as a day of fasting; so, on Thursday skip the evening meal and go to bed early. On Friday do not eat anything at all, just drink plenty of water. On Saturday have a normal breakfast and continue eating normally. Repeat this procedure every week. When we fast, the body has a chance to stop attending to the digestive system and get round to other jobs, such as restoring your detoxification system. By doing short 24-35 hour fasts every week you will slowly step-by-step start re-building your ability to detoxify and to produce energy. The whole process will be enhanced if you do a full coffee enema on Thursday evening or Friday morning: this procedure will unload your liver, and reduce the flow of toxicity from you gut into the bloodstream. Please, look for the coffee enema procedure in the FAQs (it is important to empty your bowel fully with water enemas before doing the coffee enema).

My heart goes out to people with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and ME; you have a real challenge with your health, one of the most difficult ones! The important thing for you is to never give up and trust your body: your body knows what it needs at any moment. You need to develop a real connection with your body, to learn to listen to it and have a deep love and respect for it. Because it is your body that is doing the healing, not the diet or supplements or anything else! Your recovery process is a partnership between you and your body. So, don’t try to impose anything on your body without asking it first if it agrees with that. You body will let you know through feelings: something that is right for you will feel good. If it doesn’t feel good deep inside you than don’t do it despite the fact that it may seem like a good idea. Your mind is affected by many different things and can deceive you, while your body is always right. We have lost touch with our nature and it takes time to learn to listen to our bodies and our souls. But as you learn, you will become more and more successful, and not only at your physical recovery, but many other aspects of life."

Till next week Rebels!